Saturday, July 30, 2016
When you feel fear, you feel hatred, you feel dread at a place which is supposed to be a safe haven - your "home". But here. it's just a resting place. I want to leave this place. I hate him. I have that urge to kill him. It's extreme. But i contain that hatred. I try to forget about it. I numb myself by voiding that thought off my mind. I tell myself that this is temporary. I tell myself that he will have a taste of his own medicine. I dont understand why we have to be victimised for him. Why can he have this kind of control over us. Just because he is capable of going crazy and make us suffer. It used to be physical and emotional pain. Now it's more of the latter. But i dont need to go through all of these. I want a place where i can spend my time alone peacefully. I was just reading a book. I was just taking a nap. Whats so difficult. Why must he take away that slice of peace. Why is he still existing. Why am i still existing. This world sucks. No matter how much people tell me it's otherwise. It's great because you arent suffering. Think of all the other people who are going through deeper shits than mine. did they choose it? No. But they're in it. Why? Cuz life sucks. It's unfair shit. I hate this world. But i know I'm already so much fortunate in many many aspects. Why is living so hard. I only need peace. I only want him to just get his nose off my life. Who is he. What respect does he think he deserves? He deserves nothing.
Just let me have a breathing space. That's all I'm asking.