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Saturday, July 22, 2017


Sometimes i wish i just sleep and never have to wake up cuz then i dont have to remember that we're not the same. I know it's a kind of obsession: over someone and a friendship/rs that aren't the same anymore. It's a kind of delusion. It's trying to hold onto something that has been dissipating. It takes both sides to keep it going. What can you do when one side stops? Nothing. Anything more is futile. Because feelings are diluted on that end. Doing more is just like stepping into quicksand. People label you as an annoyance. You used to be a human diary and then one day, you're nothing. & who ever considers the amount of hurt you'll go through? Feelings disregarded, leaving you no choice but to accept it and act like nothing is wrong and to move on. To numb. To switch off. Is that how it works? Idk. But i know i cant. & i know i dont mind carrying this pain. It has been latched on for going 2years..  does it matter? I guess not... he doesnt even bother enough to help me ease the pain. But it's okay. If one day i ever leave this world.. I hope you know that somewhere on this earth there was really a heart true for you, that was willing to accept you for who you are. You, The One who brought laughter and happiness into her life, despite it being shortlived. If only you were willing to treat it with the same devotion instead of just wanting the other things. It felt like my true feelings were taken for granted and were devalued into something that triggers other things. Why the word devalued.. cuz to me, true feelings always triumph over other things. But no one cared and appreciated the feelings.. it felt wrong, unwanted, cheap & stupid.

It's fine.. if it's meant to be, everything will turn out alright.

If it's not, at least i know that I've caught real feelings. :(

Miss you x I000000.